Weekly Reading: Youngblood #7

Never published by Awesome Entertainment

The cover:

Title: Boys' Own Stories

(Later issues of Youngblood were never in print. The only way to read them is through scripts and fan-made art found online. Obvious pseudo-lawyer language: If anyone who owns the rights to these issues/scripts has a problem with me linking to them or posting pages from them, let me know and I'll remove them.)

Alright, this is it. The last Alan Moore Youngblood. As we'll see, he clearly meant this to be one half of a two parter focusing on individual stories about each character, so it doesn't act as a very good conclusion, either. But it is funny and a good read, so I guess let's just enjoy it.

Let's start with the cover. I didn't just like the A-Team when I was a kid. I LOVED the A-Team as a kid. I can imagine little Johnny and little Leonard watching the A-Team and dreaming of being them when they grew up. And this concept works so well with the boys' personalities, too. Jeff as the older, wiser, Hannibal-like leader. Johnny, crazy as Murdock. Big Brother, strong like B.A. The one I find interesting is Leonard as lady's man, Face. But considering the story inside, of him on a date, I think it works. Great job, fan-creators!

Part 1: "...And I Don't Have A Wooden Heart"

Moore loves to create structure for his comics, and he does that again here, dividing the 24 pages into three 8-page chunks. The first tells Shaft's story. Shaft is out in Washington, DC, trying to take down a supercharged Custer training robot. Leonard radios him and expositions that he's going out tonight and that Johnny's working in the lab. Twilight's out on patrol and Rachel's at the hospital.

While Shaft is trying to find some way to take down Custer with his new trick arrows, we get his inner monologue through captions. This is a device Moore doesn't use very often, as he prefers to let his dialog do most of the heavy lifting. But since Shaft doesn't have anyone to talk to here, I guess it makes sense.

Jeff, of course, is stuck on his infatuation with Twilight. There's the problem of their ages: who is older than who, considering Twilight's suspended animation. I like that Moore has his character stop and think about this, as it makes the characters feel more real.

Then Custer breaks into a movie theater showing Badrock's Youngblood movie, which has been a sort of running gag suggestion since the Holiday Special. The movie is awful, getting the story all wrong and minimizing Shaft's leadership role in Youngblood. This is a nice bit of commentary, as of course, Moore hates what Hollywood has done to his stories when adapting them to film.

Shaft can't help getting distracted: "Hey, this is crap! Crypy wasn't anything to do with the trial, and Badrock wasn't team leader, I was! Also, I personally wouldn't have cast Will Smith as Sentinel," he shouts at the screen. Ha.

The distraction lets Custer get in a good hit and then they're back out fighting on the street. But then he's distracted by thinking of Twilight from the licensed Professor Night TV show he watched as a kid and the crush he had on the actress.

But then he's on Custer's head, jamming explosive arrows into the robot's neck. Just as Custer's about to grab him, he accidentally fires off a whistle arrow. I can't figure out if the whistle arrow set off the explosives or if the timers went off in time, but Custer's head gets blown apart, toppling the robot.

Shaft thinks that rebuilding Custer will give Leonard something to do, because if there's anyone who has it worse off than Shaft, it's Leonard.

Part 2: "The Girl of His Dreams"

 

Then we're in Leonard's workshop. Again, we get captions with his thoughts, but just for this first page (since he has someone to talk to). It's a nice gag with Leonard talking about sprucing himself up for his date, but what he's really doing is sprucing up his Big Brother robot. There's also a nice moment of Waxey giving Leonard some fatherly advice: "Say her hair's nice. Don't scratch your privates."

And then he meets Suprema on the moon. (Just a note, I like how the title and font of this part is a call back to Supreme #46, where we first met Suprema.)

They head out to Rigelian Rykk's Restaurant of Recollection for their date. Clients feed their nervous systems with memories of notable meals. What a cool concept. They decide to share something from the Earth menu, but find themselves naked in the garden of Eden. Embarrassment leads them to a drive-in movie that's actually projected on the side of a planet (but they only show tentacle-boxing epics).

There's a nice joke about Leonard putting Big Brother's gigantic arm around Suprema, so she enters his cabin. And then they're making out.

After the movie they fly back to the Citadel and start sneaking up to Suprema's room when they get caught by Supreme (whose face we never see, making him more ominous).

Suprema: "Big Brother, this is my, uh, my big brother." Ha.

Leonard, scared of Supreme takes off quickly. He lands at the House of Wax just as Shaft is returning with what's left of Custer.  They find the mansion on fire and wonder what Johnny did.

Shaft: "This team has a drug problem. Unfortunately, we left him minding the house."

Part 3: "Better Living Through Chemistry"

 

The captions seem to be Johnny's experiment log as he tests two new drugs... on himself. The first makes him feel fast and capable. So capable that he unwisely takes the second drug that is supposed to make him smarter. So smarter that he realizes that by combining the drugs, he might get an unintended side effect.

But his imaginary sidekick, Sparky the Boy Hallucination, tells him not to worry about it. Sparky is obviously designed on Robin, which is funny.

Johnny's can't remember where Sparky came from, but Sparky helpfully reminds him that Johnny took him in when his parents died in a booby-trapped TV quiz show. Ha ha.

Then Waxey approaches Johnny, seeing the reality of Johnny talking to himself. With Johnny saying that he might go crazy without Sparky. In Johnny's delusion, Sparky tells Johnny not to worry. "It's not like I'm going to die tragically and unexpectedly or anything! ... Also, I'm handy to talk to, for plot exposition."

Why is it not a surprise that Moore would really let loose in the drug-fueled story?

Anyway, Waxey comes up and tells Johnny that he's expecting his new limo to be delivered tonight. But Johnny, in his haze, sees Waxey as his arch villain, Baron Tallow, and starts shooting his darts at Waxey. Waxey takes off with Johnny chasing after him, grabbing a blowtorch as they run through Leonard's workshop.

Sparky chases after Waxey as Johnny falls behind (what with being out of shape and smoking, I guess). In his vision, Johnny sees Baron Tallow grab Sparkey and take off in an experimental fighter craft. In reality, Waxey is getting in his new limo to get away. Johnny uses his blow torch in the limo, setting it on fire. Sparky tells him that Tallow has released the break. In reality, the limo starts rolling toward the mansion.

Johnny calls for Sparky to jump, but Sparky says that he has to defuse a bomb inside. The limo crashes into the mansion, setting it ablaze. Johnny digs through the rubble, looking for Sparky.

Just then, Leonard and Shaft show up. Waxey is beside himself, wanting to throw Johnny in jail or rehab, but Leonard talks him down. Johnny is too busy mourning Sparky, in a callback to the death of Robin. "H-He was always ready with a cheerful pun. He was a hero. He was a martyr. But more than that... he was my kid side-effect."

It's a bad pun to end on, but who cares when the rest of the story is so clever and funny.

I even like how this is one more bit that fits in the broader Awesome universe concept, with something that was just an idea to one of the character becoming real to that character. But I won't belabor the concept.

I guess, if you want, you can see this as an ending. Moore's Youngblood ends with silliness and humor. You know, Bugs Bunny never got an ending, nor did Bullwinkle or any of the other loony cartoons. Maybe Youngblood didn't need an ending because all it ever tried to be was fun. They keep going on, having adventures and destroying the House of Wax.

I sort of remember a quote from W. Somerset Maugham who talked about why he always tried to give his characters happy endings. He said that it wasn't so much about them being happy, as it was that the reader wanted to leave the characters knowing that the characters they had come to care about would be okay after the reader left.

I'm not saying that every story needs to end that way, but by leaving Youngblood here, we feel that they're going to be okay. Shaft will still pine for Linda and she'll still ignore him. Rachel was fine to begin with. Suprema and Leonard, if we're to believe in Wiseblood of 2030 from last issue, will end up a great couple. And Johnny, well, he'll still be the lovable druggie mess we see here.

That's one way to think about it. Next week we'll consider another. As the last page of this issue says, "Next: True Girls' Adventures."

As always, please check out the Annotations Page for more details and references and be sure to let me know any that I missed.